Things In Which I Am Not A Fan

This is a different kind of post than normal. Every now and then I like to discuss the silly things to be sure I’m not taking life too seriously. If you’re in a serious, critical, or grumpy mood today- you may want to come back another time. (Well, actually you might quite enjoy this…)
In no particular order, what follows are some grievances I have with the universe, for these are the things in which I am…NOT A FAN.

Half-Full Communion Cups
Surely I’m not the only one who’s encountered the dilemma of picking up a little plastic cup of Welch’s from the communion tray, only to wonder did someone already drink half of this, or was it only filled up halfway? Next thing I know I’m caught in the middle of politely putting the half-full cup back in the tray to choose another, or sucking it up (literally) and risking influenza. I mean, tray-passing is awkward as it is, scaling it over boisterous children’s heads and stretching as far as you can to compensate for the large gap between you and the next person, not to mention the fact that it could tumble at any given moment onto your favorite Sunday dress. So why must we complicate the matter further. Here’s a charge to my fellow Christians: help a girl out and chug the whole cup. Come on.

PB&J
Three letters that should never be put together. Before I continue, I understand that I am definitely in the minority on this one. For some reason, people think it’s enjoyable to smoosh goober goop together with a substance that tastes very much unlike grapes as far as I’m concerned. Maybe I was just a deprived child who never caught on to the PB&J movement. Whatever the case, I am not a fan.

Clapping At The End Of A Movie
Okay people, we get that you liked the movie. But guess what, the actors can’t hear you clapping for them. I will admit that I have partaken in clapping before, merely on the basis of peer pressure. For some reason I’m mainly just annoyed when strangers do it. I think the main reason clapping bothers me is because my passionate, emotional side takes movies too seriously and I need the silence following the movie to regroup and process. The unnecessary clapping just gives permission for the other theater-goers to raise the volume of their voices, thus interrupting my post-theater experience.
Clearly I have a problem. Send help.

Food Chewing
I have misophonia, and I am a survivor. But really, that’s the medical condition for becoming irrationally annoyed when hearing food being munched. Although my disorder isn’t actually serious enough to be a disease, it’s a grave pet peeve of mine and has caused me to leave the room on a couple of occasions because I just couldn’t take it. It’s not that I’m grossed out, or anything like that, it’s just something you’d liken to nails on a chalkboard. We’re talking mouth-closed, polite, innocent, chewing. I am so sorry that I’ve already stabbed you 4 times in my mind, you really didn’t do much wrong. You’re just trying to eat your chips. And the really weird thing is, it’s only in certain people that it bothers me. There’s a select few in this world that drive me up the wall when they put their mandibles to good use. But don’t despair, the list of people continues to grow and perhaps you, one day, can also make the list. Invite me to dinner or something.

Couples Sitting On The Same Side Of A Booth
No. Just…no. Why would you compromise your elbow room by sitting beside one another when you could gaze into your lover’s eyes from across the table? Obviously we’re talking about when 2 people are alone on a date, not 4 people on a double date (please do sit next to your respective lover in that situation.) I mean, honestly, does this bother anyone else? Sooo awkward to watch, can’t imagine how awkward it is to perform. Here’s a tip, ladies: If your date comes and sits beside you in a restaurant booth, politely excuse yourself to the restroom, come back, and sit across from him. Problem solved. You’re welcome. I’ll be here all week.

Hand Dryers
Oh!… So not a fan! There’s a certain bathroom at my high school that is situated perfectly near the majority of my classes. Although I’m not a fan of even using school restrooms, when I do, it’s usually this one. This particular bathroom does not have paper towels, but rather a hand dryer. Here’s a few problems with this situation:
1)Every.single.other.bathroom HAS paper towels instead. Every last one! This is obviously not a success, nor an attempt at bettering the environment.
2)When using the restroom between classes, you’re in a huge rush so as not to be tardy, thus eliminating all chances of you graduating, attending college, getting married, receiving birthday presents, and having any chance of a good or successful life thereafter. (Shout out to the new Tardy Policy.) Whilst attempting to dodge the swamp of girls applying makeup in the bathroom mirrors, umm excuse me, we’re at school not NY Fashion Week, can I please just wash my hands? The last thing I have time to do is stand under the electric hand dryer for 60 seconds.
3)It’s loud, annoying, and only allows for one person to dry their hands at a time. Commence awkwardly long line forming behind dryer.
–Thus the reason I often walk out of the bathroom with hands still dripping from sink-water. I remember coming home from New York, both times, and being so happy to see paper towels in the blessed Texas bathrooms.
Sans hand dryers, sans injustice.

Whew. Glad to get all that off my chest 🙂 A big thank you to my friend, Jen Hatmaker, for being an all around awesome person and for blogging a post like this a while back, thus planting the idea in my mind.

Your turn! Is there anything unique about you that grinds your gears, or maybe just drives you up the wall? Maybe things that other people seem to like or remain neutral toward? Do tell! {grabs popcorn and sits anxiously awaiting…}

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11 thoughts on “Things In Which I Am Not A Fan

  1. What? Being creeped out by hearing people chew their food is a diagnosable issue? I feel SO much better about myself now! I’m not a freak of nature! Well, maybe not in THAT area, anyway. You make me laugh, sweet Carlee. And think. And I love you!

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  2. Not gonna lie. I am totally an end of movie clapper, even if I’m the only person in the theater clapping. I also clap at the end of tv shows and moves that I watch at my house. Does that make it better, or stranger?

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    1. Megan, you can clap your little heart out anytime you want. I’d be so thrilled to go see a movie with you, I wouldn’t mind all that much if you clapped through the entire thing. 😉 xoxoxoxo

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  3. It drives me up the wall when someone who has used the microwave before me has stopped it before the time is out and doesn’t simply click the “clear”. Just one last little click showing consideration for the next microwave user! Ahhhh, but consideration for others seems more and more to be a lost art. 😦

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  4. I love this! You totally cracked me up. Great writing skills and humor! By the way, I’m not sure how I shared the link to your blog on my facebook page but what the heck, maybe you got some new readers! Weird. Love you!!

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    1. Haha! I’m so glad you like it because I actually thought of you as I was posting it since you’ve given up negativity and this is a plethora of negativity- although I feel I did it in a positive way 😉
      And I noticed about the Facebook post… I think it did bring in some new readers. Cool!
      I love YOU!

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  5. You are hilarious!!! I loved reading this! I get super annoyed when public bathrooms have toilet paper that doesn’t flow/roll easily. Ya know, when you yank and tug to get a tiny, ripped square. Grrrr! I’m in there with with 4 other little women, people!! I need the paper to flow!!!!!!!!!!!

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